whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
