Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
