Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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