Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Randomize
