So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
