This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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