I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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