she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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