life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
