thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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