apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
