if you like me you must not know who I am
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
