I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
