He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
