i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
