it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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