Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
