my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
