WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
