No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
