8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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