out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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