Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
