that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
