It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
