he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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