So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
jump out the window naked night went bad
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
