True but thats because hes a fetus.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
