We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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