I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
