The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
