Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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