I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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