oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
