she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
