I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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