I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
