Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
