What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
