this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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