Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
