you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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