Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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