I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
