last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
