Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
