And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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