If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
