the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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