i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
