You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
