I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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