he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
