Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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