Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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