you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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