Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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