You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Drake has all the answers
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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