this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
